Tuesday, September 19, 2017

On Being An Introvert And Deciding To Open Up

As an introvert, I've always struggled with feeling secure enough to open up my true self to people. Yes, I've had friends over the years to talk to, but only rarely has there been anyone who could really understand the deepest thoughts. My husband, bless his heart, has always accepted who I am and has encouraged me to be myself.  Being a Cancer adds another level of emotion, too. Some days the weirdness runs rampant in our house!




rocks, minerals, and fossils on my nature altar
An altar to the beauties of nature in its current form on my desk.

Though art and making have been my main areas of creativity over the last 30+ years, the idea of writing a blog has been intriguing for some time.  I've held back on giving it a go because of the fear of sharing too much or being misunderstood. Having a thin skin for criticism hasn't helped, either. Though I love being part of a community, I value my privacy very much, and don't even share everything with family - the less people know, the less they have to criticize or gossip about.  

 
Crystal, amethysts, fossils, and interesting stones on my altar.
 

But you know, I've just turned 61, feel pretty good about it, and have decided maybe it's time to be brave and open up a bit more. I know there are others out there who feel as I do, who see the world the same way, and have the same interests. I'd love to find other blogs by women my age who are living life grounded by a feeling of consciousness, of awareness of our connections to All, and a loosening of the ties to the consumerist world as we get older.  For me, it's a joyous way of looking at life, not solemn and serious (though there is that part, too). And while I don't feel fanatical about any of this, it's always a comforting presence there in the background as I go about the day to day.

Statue of Bastet, Egyptian goddess of cats, joy, protection, dance, love, and music
Statue of Bastet, Egyptian goddess of cats, joy, protection, dance, love, and music.

 
When I started this blog, I did want to share things from the vintage magazines and books I've collected, and probably still will. But having this space as an extension of the things I write about in my journal seems like a more authentic use of whatever writing energy I have.
I AM happily old fashioned, at ease with the way things used to be - always have been and no doubt always will be. Living a simple, slow-paced life is my particular comfort zone, and I'm perfectly happy here, no need to step outside.
 

 
 

 



 
 
 




Saturday, September 16, 2017

Ironing as Meditation

I've been feeling unsettled and restless the last few days. Nothing seems worth doing, and I've been too much in my head. At times like this,  a repetitive activity is calming, so I ironed my handkerchiefs. I like ironing at any time, but especially on days like today. It's so satisfying to iron carefully and mindfully, pressing out all the wrinkles and making these squares of pretty cloth even nicer. Too bad I can't iron out my life as easily.

Ironing hankies is calming to the mind.


It helps to let my mind wander and imagine the stories these hankies could tell: how many pockets and purses have they been tucked into, where did they come from originally, were they bought by the owner or received as gifts?  Or to not think at all, and only enjoy the designs and the soothing motion of the iron over cloth. 
 

Hankies all ironed - a job well done. 

 
I also have a collection of vintage pillowcases, which we use all the time. Some are printed, but many others have embroidery, and it's enjoyable to iron these as well, smoothing out the thick white cotton made soft from years of washing. I like thinking about the women who stitched the designs, and the pleasure it gave them to make their homes pretty, the way I do with ours.

Ironing doesn't solve every problem, but seeing a pile of orderly items when you're done is a nice feeling of accomplishment.
 

Thursday, September 14, 2017

The Wheel of the Year Turns Again: Dressing The House For Autumn

One of the things I've always loved about homemaking is changing the decorations to suit the seasons. It's a way to feel more in touch with the wheel of the year, as the days shorten or lengthen, the cool nights or warm days roll around again. Now begins my favorite season of all: autumn. After the hot, enervating days of summer, the crispness of the air brings new inspiration and more energy. I love the shorter days, the long, cozy evenings by lamp- and candlelight, the colors of the leaves and the bright, blue sky. It seems as if the sky is never so intensely blue as in autumn.
October 23, 2013 - the yellow leaves of our cottonwood tree, and deep blue sky of autumn, a perfect combination of colors.
We spent last week and the first part of this one doing odd jobs outdoors, putting away what we could, tidying the yard, emptying the compost barrel, painting sheds, and those end-of-summer things that require attention - it's been exhausting. By far, the most enjoyable of all has been decorating the house over the past two days. 

The sideboard decorated for autumn with a beautiful handmade antique embroidered net runner with fringe.
 


Vintage mirror layered with an antique pale-yellow-painted wood frame that once held a mirror over a dresser.
Most all of the decorations were bought over many years of  treasure hunting at thrift stores or yard sales. I try to do things a little differently each year, but always with the goal of making our home as cozy and warm as possible. Winter usually lasts a long time where I live - at least, it seems like it does! - so having a comfortable home is a priority.

Candles on top of the TV cabinet, with a string of multicolor lights around the dining room window in the background.

For as long as I can remember, I've been strongly affected by my surroundings, especially at home. A home, to me, needs the things that give you comfort and express your personality, layered with meaningful items that have been gathered over a lifetime and show a home that's grown with you and reflects your spirit.  My desk has a collection of feathers, rocks, minerals, and fossils I've collected from here and there, and I love the memories associated with them - they're so much more special than anything I could buy from a store.

It's gotten to the point in my life where it's time to start letting things go, paring down to just what I love the most. In aid of this, we've spent the last few years donating things and having yard sales. Hopefully we'll live here for many years yet, but the thought of having less to take care of as we grow older is very appealing. 







Saturday, September 9, 2017

Always Looking Up, and A Cat Lives Here

Living where we do, our home looks out over fields and the yard is open to the wide blue sky. I've been witness to some of the most beautiful sights: cloud formations, sunrises and sunsets, birds and wild animals, all sorts of things. We've had clear views of eclipses of the moon, and amazing storms. Photographing nature is one of my hobbies, so I thought I'd share some of my favorite photos.



Full moon rising over town, 9/7/17. It's orange from all the smoke in the sky.


Close up of full moon, 9/7/17.
7-1-12, 5:21 a.m., sunrise from our back yard. Well worth getting up for.


9-23-11, 6:29 a.m., sunrise from our back yard. These are the actual colors, Mother Nature does it best!
 


7-9-17, 9:35 p.m., sunset rays in smoky skies, from our back yard.


6-4-12, a supercell thunderstorm moving in from the west. It was incredible!


7-12-17, 10:24 p.m., looking north, sitting on the deck enjoying the beautiful blue evening.
The outdoor space has always been one of the best things about our home. Though we have tall trees near the house, most of the back yard is open to the sky, and faces north. Luckily our yard is mostly dark at night, and we can even see the northern lights sometimes, though not nearly as often as I'd like.  Every day there's something interesting to look at.

Speaking of interesting things, here's something I noticed yesterday. My husband and I went out of town on an errand, and this is what I saw in the parking lot:

This is where the cat lives?
I love that someone thought it was important to make sure this hole wasn't boarded up so the cat was able to come and go. What a thoughtful thing to do; makes me feel that there is hope in the world, when one person takes the time for such a sweet act of kindness.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

On Journal Keeping And Documenting A Life


Journaling has been a part of my life since the Christmas I was 11 and received a 5 year diary with lock and key. There are a few dozen entries in the diary, and then no evidence of any other writing until age 22, when a few months' worth of entries in a spiral notebook documented a time of change in my life: wondering what the future would hold, and feeling unhappiness with the relationship I was in. Writing about all of that helped to work out the problems.

My journals, including two that I hand made. Currently working in the green book, center of bottom row.
A few years later there are several pages from the early, happy years of our marriage, when life was full of fun and being too busy to write. Then, when the babies came along, I began to write again, keeping track of their growth and progress, writing down funny things they did and said. So glad I did, because now each of them have a story of their childhood filled with things I'd never have remembered otherwise after all these years. Dad also wrote on their first-year baby calendars, so they have the things that he thought were important to write down, too.

For each year from 1994 to 2016, I kept a separate daybook for our family, with appointments as well as a short overview of each day, with our activities, visitors, what kind of home and school projects we were working on, weather ... basically a day-to-day record of family history. It's fascinating to read them now (all 22 volumes!) and see how much we accomplished.  Don't know where we got the energy for it!


Foil embossed journals.

 
The first volume of my personal journaling began on April 11, 2005. Again, it was a period where I had things to work out, so turning to a blank book was a way of dealing with the worries. But to my delight, it also became a place to write down the happy things, the amazing things of the natural world that I saw out the windows as I worked from home, views and opinions, just anything really. It was so freeing to be able to write about whatever I wanted to without worrying about justifying myself to anyone, or whether my words would be misunderstood, or boring someone. It became addictive. And so, after that first short entry, I'm now beginning the 12th volume.


Two journals that I hand made, with pages of wallpaper liner, cloth covers, and Coptic stitch binding.

As if writing wasn't enough, I also made some journals. The first one was in 2004, the brown book in the last photo, then the blue linen one with a tree, and most recently the chartreuse silk book. They're all made from wallpaper liner, which is thick and has a somewhat rough surface for writing on, which I love, and covers made of book board covered with fabric from old clothing, stitched together with a Coptic binding. They're enjoyable to make, and even more fun to write in.


Two handmade journals.


Handmade travel journal.
 
Being old fashioned doesn't really preclude the use of all technology, so in addition to keeping handwritten journals, having an online outlet for writing seems like an interesting experiment. It wasn't really on my bucket list, but it's an adventure nonetheless!